I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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