When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
