i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
