I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
