All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
