I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
