I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize