did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I made him laugh his dick is mine
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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