our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
