I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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