Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
