No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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