She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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