Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
