I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
