He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
