Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
