I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
