it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize