so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
