he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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