At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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