you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
