Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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