dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
where am i from again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
