can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
