Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
