and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
