dude i'm inner monologue high
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
