There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
