"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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