Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Everything about him screamed your future.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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