I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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