I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
