My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize