Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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