I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
