whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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