After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
