Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
