You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want to make out with him forever
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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