Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
