I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
