he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
not ubering you a puppy
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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