I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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