I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
