it was like eating out sand paper
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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