What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize