I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
operation harelip BJ is a go
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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