she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
