honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
