I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
