Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
