me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize