The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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