Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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