I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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