doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
youre lurking in front of me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
