I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize