I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
