1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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