It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You took a bar mat shot.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
