just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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