Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
this boner is exhausting
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
