Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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