and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
