Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
