Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
