Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
