We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You ruined the universe
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