you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
