You're my little dorito
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
