Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
