i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
