He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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