what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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