Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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