woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
