He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize