he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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