You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize