im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
