Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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