Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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