You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
This toilet bowl is my home.
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