he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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