i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
