and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's JV to your varsity
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
