How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
